WE.

Regenerate.
Regenesis.

Somehow I've lost interest in almost everything.
Somehow I've forgotten what's it like to be interested in anything at all.
Self destruction.
Self salvation.
Aren't they all the same?

You can't have the best of both worlds.
So tell me again,
Why's your vision of a better world different from mine?
What defines normality?
What defines criminal?

What made you and me this way?
Why the separation in ideals?
What happened?
...........................
Huge bursts of emotions,
They wash down upon me.
There's so much sadness in a moment of silence.
As the terrible waves of pain makes me retch.
I curl up with my thighs to my chest.
Feeling the ebbs of pain through my abdomen.
I rush to down the black charcoal pills and ibuprofen.
The pills only made it halfway down before my gag reflex rejected them out.
I sprawled out over the kitchen feeling more faint than ever.

An hour later I was on the couch reading a book and watching the television at the same time.
Both depressed me rather badly and I was struggling with my tears.
I put down the book and focused on the music channel.
I lowered the volume and went back to my book.
The same.
I switched channels.
I picked up a magazine.
The same.

There's no lack of happiness and joy.
But rather the lack of empathy towards the two.
The waves of sadness came and go.
Came and go.
Periods of mild.
Periods of extreme.

I feel faint.
I feel sick.

But I feel more alive than ever.
Losing touch with people.
Losing the connection among human beings.

It all seems so alright nowadays having nothing.
Nobody.
I never really liked talking.
But i talked too much being mainly obligated to talk.
Somehow to show people how normal I can be.
I enjoy silence.
But people define it as awkward silences.
Silences can be comfortable.
But my reformed by the society and the world around.
Me too felt that amongst man,
Silence should be minimal.
Silence breeds awkwardness.
Silence is a sign of incompatibility.

It's like smiles.
People like smiling.
They said,
You should smile.
Smiling is good.
Smile more.
Smiling means more than that.
Some people have the same smile all the time.
You go right left.
Right left.
Right left.
Right right right right.
Left left left left.
And the pictures they are the same.
The pictures are the same.
You look the same in every photograph.

What defines normal?
Am I normal?
I think a whole shit load.
I bet you too.

You have your wants and needs from this world.
So do I?
You have your fantasies?
So do I.

What happened to this world?
Why the ostracising?
Why the rejection of my way of living?
Why are yours facts and mine opinions?
What makes you right and me wrong?

I'd cry and cry and cry.
I'd keep myself away and away.

It's always the same thing.
I can accept people.
Why can't people accept me.

Sadness:
The throbbing feeling rising up midway from my throat as I try to suppress it down.
The welling up of tears at the corner of my eyes.
The tensing of the muscles beside the eyes.
Eyebrows bearing down upon hard.
Mouth clenched up.
My heart feels a sourish feeling everytime it beats.
Struggling to work the blood around the body.
The tightening of the skull around my brain.
Seems to be easier to hold my breath than to breathe.
My chest muscles clench up as though anticipating a hit.
Bearing against the pain.